《許歡》是一個人物，也是許程崴的一個時候。

創作：五件獨舞計畫

2012年開始獨舞練習之後便許了願，要自己做獨舞計畫，但為什麼是五件已經忘記了，直至今日來到了第四件。

跳獨舞的時候就像是做一個身體的小檢視，隨著時間製造生命的變化，所有個人喜好的選擇，都是影響身體展現的因素。15歲時我開始學習舞蹈，現在的我35歲，然而我一直都知道，我從來都不是群體教育中最出色的舞者，無論是芭蕾舞、民族舞、現代舞，所以我跳到即興舞蹈的時候，像是游進一片花海，這個即興舞蹈的世界好適合我，又或許不一定適合我，但什麼都跳不到最好的我，發現即興舞蹈世界才是我的容身之處。

然而古舞團給了我更多即興舞蹈的方法與可能，說到這邊，即興舞蹈就是我在跳舞時候的方法，大學畢業之後我更嘗試著去閱讀世界，品嚐各種人間美味、人情世故，增添我能夠找到自身與舞蹈存在的理由。

許歡：男性、33歲

2022年中疫情的時候，突如其來的低潮殺進了許程崴的生命，從深陷低潮到發覺低潮，這段時間將近一個月，我不確定如此低落的情緒是誰，但又覺得這不是許程崴，當我發現需要找回平時的自己時，就把許歡創造出來了。許歡，男性、33歲，可能是雙子座也可能是獅子座。

許歡獨自一人的時候，有著無比放大的時間感，對世界中的很多事情無感，感受不到刺激，感覺獨處很好。

「恩，這樣就好！」

遠離一切人事物，也不需要更多感受，任何事情都與自己無關。如此陌生的自己，給我的感覺像是超級不熟的那種朋友，保持最剛好的距離。要形容得更貼切的話，就像是把自己隔絕在一個很小的房間裡頭，安安靜靜地待著就夠了。那一刻所需要的，就是跟許歡講講話的時間與空間而已。

時至今日，在創作《許歡》的過程不斷地在挖掘自己的內在，才發現我不是沒有難過的情緒，只是平時最不想被別人看到而已，以「歡」字命名，其實是想把這個悲傷的自己隱藏起來。但也許是有了這個有悲傷的自己（許歡），才更知道許程崴是誰，因為悲傷的出現，才知道什麼是歡喜，也才在今年的創作中與許歡和解。

生命總是沒辦法回到曾經的美好，我也這樣相信著，同時也回不去曾經的悲傷。

許歡其實是每個人心中的一面鏡子，用來看清自己的各個面向與情緒。

 

 

Hsu Huan  is both a character and a moment in Hsu Chen Wei's life.

Creation: The Five Solo Dance Project

Hsu Huan: Male, 33 years old

In mid-2022, during the pandemic, a sudden wave of depression swept into my life. It took almost a month to realize I was in a deep slump. I wasn't sure who this dark persona was, but I knew it wasn't Hsu Chen Wei. When I recognized the need to find my usual self, I created Hsu Huan.  Hsu Huan, male, 33 years old, possibly a Gemini or Leo.

When Hsu Huan is alone, he feels an overwhelming sense of time and lacks sensitivity to many things in the world. He feels no excitement and enjoys being alone. 

"Yes, this is just fine!"

He isolates himself from everything and doesn't need to feel more. Nothing concerns him. This unfamiliar version of myself feels like a distant friend, someone to keep at just the right distance. To describe it more accurately, it's like isolating myself in a small room, staying quietly. In that moment, all I needed was space and time to talk to Xu Huan.

To this day, the process of creating  Hsu Huan has been about delving into my inner self. I realized that I do have feelings of sadness—I've just always been reluctant to show them to others. The name "Huan," which means joy, is an attempt to conceal this sad part of myself. But perhaps having this sad version of me, Xu Huan, has allowed me to understand more clearly who Hsu Cheng-wei really is. It is through experiencing sadness that I can understand joy, and this year, I've finally reconciled with Xu Huan in my creative process.

Life can never return to the way it was, to those moments of happiness or sadness from the past, and I believe that’s true.Hsu Huan is, in fact, a mirror that exists in everyone’s heart, a reflection through which we see our different facets and emotions.